October 20, 2010

  • Dream #2. The Earth Is Dead. Introducing HP Illingworth.

    Dream #2
    by HP Illingworth

    Mom tells me of her boyfriend. How he likes to keep an album of pictures on horses. How he’s sweet and kind and caring.

    But I dream within the dream that the world will come to end… Evey little thing that runs on electricity burns out, rendering the planet quiet, lifeless.

    Dad drags me to a junkyard. We work quickly, grinning and laughing like fools with nothing better to do. It just seems like every other day.

    From the junkyard, we move to a garage, stuffed with Mom’s old junk. Computer parts. Papers. Poems. Boxes upon boxes. Dad grins and puts on his cap, shutting the garage door into the dream.

    Next to the garage of Mother, there’s a small seafood restaurant. It didn’t serve seafood. It was painted black with various shrimp and fish around its door. The owner smiles as he bring me a plate of nothing, Dad’s grin settling on his own plate.

    I had nothing, but Dad was still smiling, and that’s all I needed.

    Darkness warps around me with bleeding veins. A man I don’t know calls out to me. Behind him is a huge metal machine. HUGE. It glistens dangerously in the sunlight.

    “You’re gonna die too, young lady.” He flashes his jagged teeth.

    Waking from darkness, scared of the man and his metal monster, I look out the window from my second story bedroom into a landscape similar to the red clay and dry grass of Nashville. Dad’s waiting outside.

    Outside. The sun pounds me with such intensity. All around me, holes in the earth tell a story of abuse.

    The earth is dead. The metal monster is still attacking it.

    Dad doesn’t notice. He grins at me as I take in the earth.

    Very few people. Very few left. The earth is dead, and I dreamt about it.

    Dad takes me back to the junkyard. Huge gashes make their way through the once neatly trashed land. They crawl and twist and cry to me, “Run now, run now, RUN!” as the metal monster can be heard miles away, eating the land with great satisfaction.

    Mom is dead. Dad can’t hear the ripping of the metal monster, but he does notice the creeping quietness of the land. We go to Mom’s garage.

    Inside, the garage is just as torn apart. Papers and memories fly from their boxes and shelves as Mike tells me what I already know. I pick up a photo album. Inside are pictures of horses.

    Outside. Dad slams the garage shut. Shuts away Mike. Shuts away the memories. Mom’s gone.

    “Run… run… run…” the land is whispering to me. Metal monster presses closer. Dad doesn’t notice. Just tells me we’re on our own.

    We head home. Home. Torn apart from the inside out. Plastic bags litter the inside. Dad doesn’t notice.

    I tell him my dream. We’re all going to die. I tell him that the land is speaking, but he pays me no mind.

    Metal monster and man are found. Dad pays them no mind. The man flashes me the same jagged teeth, the monster eating away at the earth, his razor blade of a mouth glinting in the light of such an intense sun.

    “RUN!” the earth SCREAMS as the metal monster rips into it, rips into veins of bark, life seeping away.

    But it’s too late. Metal monster eats my father. He doesn’t notice.

October 18, 2010

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October 15, 2010

  • Knowing several artists who specialize in pottery… I have come to understand that the human psyche is much like the clay with which they work.

    Our early lives begin as a handful of wet, unshaped clay. Through our experiences the clay takes form. In childhood that shape is begun by our environment and by those with whom we directly interact… parents, teachers, etc.

    As we grow older we transition into our own potters to a huge extent. We turn our own wheel. We consciously and subconsciously create our own shape, form and adornments based on the things we have learned thus far… the things which have brought us happiness… those which have brought enlightenment… as well as the things which have brought us pain.

    If you know many artists, then you also know it is often the darkness which brings out the deepest creativity and the most passionate results of their art.

    Unlike the clay with which my friends Jim and Paul work, however, the clay of the human psyche is never fully fired and firmed. We must remain pliable to some degree… or else we can not survive in this ever changing world.

    As my own years have passed, I was under the incorrect assumption that with time I would harden and become immune to the wrongs of this world.

    But I am not hardening. If anything, I am becoming more pliable as I grow older and learn to love life as I never did as a youth.

    The beautiful thing which has become my life requires me to be passionate, open… and sometimes to hurt.

    If I can’t hurt when my heart needs or demands it…

    I can’t love.

    For they are two sides of the same human spirit.

October 1, 2010

September 29, 2010

September 4, 2010

  • The Best 40th Birthday Present Ever

    Hannah Illingworth

    Forever for My Mommy

    by Hannah Illingworth
    on Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 11:10am

    “I love you” is a very powerful phrase
    Yet, one that is said everyday
    But an “I love you” from you, my mother
    Is the most amazing gift

    Many years we’ve lived and worked together
    Many fights and arguments broke out
    But even through all of that
    We had so many good times, too

    “I love you” doesn’t begin to explain it, Mother
    You put up with my existence for so many years
    You made the ultimate decision to put us in the best schools
    The best house, the best situations…

    I once thought that I hated you, Mother
    But in all honesty, I had lost my best friend
    Blind with rage and uncaring emotions
    I could no longer see My Mommy

    Many days I spent hanging around in your room
    Or the warmth (and iciness) of a living room
    Many hours spent running my mouth
    In exchange for witty advice

    With clashing intelligence, maybe we weren’t meant to get along
    But one thing is for certain;
    Even though I match and compete my wits to yours
    You’ll forever be My Mommy

    Even though I am so soon to be an adult
    Even though I strive to be better at everything than you
    There’s still a place in my heart
    Forever for My Mommy

    Today is your birthday, Mother
    And I just wanted you to know
    Instead of sending a thoughtless card
    I wrote a poem

    I want you to know, Mother
    That I am still your child
    And forever will I be your Miss Pearl
    Forever for My Mommy

     

    “Happy Birthday, Mommy!

    I love you.”

July 31, 2010

April 24, 2010

  • The Relapse

    The pain
    Returns

    This
    Never ending
    Cycle controls
    Where I
    Have no
    Control

    What is
    Multiple Sclerosis?

    It’s an abusive
    Relationship
    With your
    Own body

    No tears
    Not tonight

    They’ve been
    Too frequent
    As of late

    Too many
    Reasons

    I sit in
    This corner
    Watching
    The world

    Aching
    Aching
    For minuscule
    Comfort

    Human touch

    More than
    Meaningless
    Sex

    No more
    Empty
    Meaningless
    Sex

    The world
    Does
    As it
    Always does

    Spinning
    With
    Or without

    As I ache
    And watch
    And want

    As this
    Disease
    Has its way

    I want
    To scream
    To curse
    To drink
    To fuck

    Then sleep
    It all off
    In the arms
    Of someone
    Who gives
    A freaking
    Damn

    Why do the
    Liquor stores
    Close
    So early
    In this
    God forsaken
    Town??

February 12, 2010

  • I am the Queen of Random
    You may, however, aspire
    Until the time I expire
    Or maybe retire
    To apprentice in the mastery
    Of digressions
    Interpolations and
    Chance revelations

    Or possibly
    Chance revolutions?

    All I can tell is sister you have to wait…
    Don’t you know it’s gonna be…
    All right